Merry Christmas

I must say, the Christmas spirit hasn't "caught me" by storm this year. Rather it has been a solemn and quite contemplative time for me. I don't know if it's because I didn't experience it in snow, or because my most precious gifts of all keep me so very busy (my babies!), or even maybe my business taking up much of my spare time, or the lack of Christmas shopping I have done, or who knows. This has been a wonderful year for our family with many splendid miracles and also several challenges along the way. I do know this- I am a blessed woman. I thank the Lord for all of my blessings- even the struggles, because I know they are upon me for a reason that only He knows.

If you are a "friend" with me on FaceBook, then you know that the past few days my "status" has been: "Beth is living in this moment." I have had several people comment on this. It is quite rare for me to leave the same status for more then several hours- I don't spend tons of time on FB, but I pop on for 2-5 minutes a couple times a day to check things out and this last status announcement would be the best way I can describe my feelings these past few days. This moment... something I don't experience enough. I used to stop and smell the roses all the time and lately I have noticed that not only am I not stopping to smell them as deeply, but I am not even noticing the beautiful bloom at all. I have every excuse you can think of- I am busy with my babies, I am working, I am spending time with my love, I am tired... etc... Life moves fast though- and I am tired of not being in my own moments a little longer. I am not making a New Years resolution to change this- but rather in these last few days I have already started the metamorphosis of change and I am quietly happy with the direction I am going. It's not the happy that makes you jump up and down for joy, but it is the happy that fills your heart with a complete wholeness that you can't get otherwise. There are things I will have to give up, and things I will need to change, but I am happy to do so to be where I am.

Yesterday on my walk with my babies I was thinking about the Christmas letter I didn't write yet, and the yearly family photo that still hasn't been taken successfully (although it has been attempted) and I wondered if it mattered all that much? There will be a yearly letter, there will be a picture- and yes they will be late. I decided that last week. I am not ashamed and no longer have guilt. I just know that it will be a bit late this year. I miss each and every one of my friends and family members like crazy and I wish so much that I could put my arms around you and hug you like there wasn't a tomorrow, but getting out a Christmas letter won't make that feeling any more or any less. I wish my family and friends that are far away were closer, but I am so blessed that I have some of my family and even some new friends here. Some close and others a little further, but none the less my blessings are plenty. Along my walk, this is one of the moments that inspired me. Trevor was sleeping 15 seconds before I took this photograph. Thus why his hat is covering his face- along the walk I didn't realize it was covering him up. He didn't care, but rather woke up with a huge smile, as usual! A friend bought Reagan a cookie and this is the image of a little girl in heaven.


My babies are now asleep. Trevor struggles to stay awake much past 5:30. Most days I can pry his eyes open until 6- tonight it was 6:30. He will be 6 months tomorrow and oblivious to what Christmas is with the exception of loving the lights and packages. Reagan, on the other had, just having turned two is quite enthralled with Christmas this year. She and I put together a cookie plate with milk for Santa. Down by 7:30 she was, but sick at that. I hear her now coughing away wishing I could be the one coughing instead. Daddy is at work, but will be home later and we will finish the last touches on Santa coming together. I wish so much that Sam could have seen this first hand, but I suppose this short video will have to do. The image of Trevor is what he was doing while Reagan and I were starting a new family tradition with the cookies. Reagan is dressed in her family pajama's and ready to go. (Yes, much to Sam's dismay every year since we have had Reagan we have had "family pajama's" that no one sees except Mommy until Christmas Eve. This year they are simple and perhaps Sam will allow a picture to come on the blog. Note there has never been one yet!)





I sat down tonight to take a minute to breathe. To clear my mind and speak my heart. To tell you that I love you and I miss you today and tomorrow and everyday that I don't see you. Some of you I have seen yesterday, some it's been years. My Christmas Wish this year is for you to be happy and at peace. Sam, I thank you for being my partner in life and father to the most beautiful and amazing children in all the world. I love you more today then ever before. My Christmas gift has already been given to me and I thank you Lord for delivering your son, Jesus Christ to the earth and for bestowing all of these blessings upon me.